How To Be An Authentic Encouragement Superstar

Authentic – based on facts; accurate or reliable

Meaningful encouragement is seeing something wonderful in a person that deserves to be recognized and rewarded… even pushed to be developed.

And that is where authenticity plays a consequential part. It builds trust.

Why you need authenticity…

Authenticity is based on trust.

Trust comes from a relationship developed over time where you have demonstrated yourself as accurate and reliable.

Be careful… trust can be destroyed in a moment.

If you give in to the white lie just to make someone feel better, you are violating your own beliefs and compromising your principles. And that compromise destroys your trust.

Think about it… you can’t be sincere with a person if you are not honest with yourself…

And you’ll never convince someone to trust you without sincerity.

If someone doesn’t trust and gain benefit from your encouragement, why do it in the first place? This isn’t just about making yourself feel better. This is about building others up into a successful life.

So, if you can’t get by with a little white lie…

How can you be authentic when you disagree with someone?

I admit, this is hard. But there is a way out…

First, instead of making a negative comment, find something positive to encourage. This has an added benefit if the person is doing something against your personal values (for example, a child’s clothing or personal hygiene choice). Let me tell you how…

You will encourage values you want to instill in that person through positive feedback. Positive feedback can be powerful stuff. It shows you care by giving attention. And your attention will be noticed.

So, if your son or daughter comes down stairs dressed for school in chartreuse green stockings, a fluorescent orange dress, and a hot pink sweater and asks you how you like their new outfit- you don’t have to tell them they have a wonderful sense of fashion. But you also don’t have to criticize there clothing choice. (That will either be taken care of by their peers, or they will fit in. Either way you’re not going to change their mind.)

Instead, tell them something that is true in your heart and still encourages them. You may try “Honey, I really love you because you care about my opinion when so many kids don’t care about what their parents think.”

And even if you never get them to dress better, you will encourage them to keep doing that thing that you truly value (i.e. care about and ask your opinion). And in the end that may pay off much better than fighting over clothing taste.

But what if there isn’t anything positive you can say? (Really? Are you sure you tried to think of something?). If you believe you can’t give positive feedback, then follow the old advice:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all (diplomatically, not the silent treatment).

“Honey, we just have different tastes. You should ask your friends for an honest answer.”

So, how can you be more authentic?

There are three simple things you can do starting immediately…

1. Be Specific This provides identifiable facts for people to grab hold of. People will start noticing when they are using the strengths you identify and it will bolster their confidence.
2. Be Consistent Be dependable and reliable… even if it is boring and repetitive. Don’t be the unreliable flashy sports car that breaks down in the middle of nowhere leaving people stranded. Be the dependable beat-up truck that they can count on 365 days a year. They will always know they can count on you.
3. Be Assertive The thing with a “genuine article” is that you can look at it and know it’s authentic. The quality of the materials, the care of the workmanship, and the wear that creates character… all these evoke a mood of trust and authenticity in people. That is why the genuine article, whether desirable antiques or hand-made crafts, are so often much more expensive than cheap Chinese knock-offs. All it takes to be genuine is quality and care in your encouraging statements.

How can you be more authentic today?