How to encourage your friends
Walk up to a friend and give a word of encouragement. It seems so simple … so caring. If so, why do we so often get nervous, hands shaking, out of breath …
When all we want to do is share a feeling?
It's because to us we are getting ready to lower our guard and share something extremely important … and we fear being rejected because of it.
We want to deepen our friendship. We want to simply share what our friend means to us.
It is a real struggle to be open with our feelings … often even with our closest friends.
Imagine instead being able to walk up to your friend a freely share what's on your heart, what your friend means to you, thank them for something they did or said that really helped you and made you feel loved.
You can have this level of openness …
If you would like to learn to be open, to be that communicator of caring, then there is a simple three-step method of deepening your sharing while feeling secure, avoiding rejection, and walk away knowing you've moved your friendship to a deeper level of trust.
First, let me explain why we have trouble opening up and why our friends have difficulty accepting our encouragement …
Why friends struggle to have difficulty accepting our encouragement
fear, intimacy, wallsFear of intimacy grips every person alive. We are afraid to open up and share our lives completely. So we build safety walls around us to protect us from the ultimate fear … rejection.
When our friends don't seem to accept our praise or encouragement, it is because they haven't yet dropped their walls low enough to fully let us in their life.
It takes time to build trust to fully embrace love from another.
Remember that this is a long-term process with your friend to open the walls through building doors and windows so that you can more easily enter their life.
Many of us have had friendships that have soured and left us hurt, disappointed, or resentful.
Your friend is no different.
It is far safer to keep up those walls until they know they can trust you. And even then, they will most likely keep up some kind of barrier to protect them from being hurt again.
So, as you work through this process, know that it will take time. Be patient. The intimacy you are developing is a friendship that will last a long, long time.
And your encouragement and praise is the foundation.
How?How can you start giving encouragement to your friends today without fear of rejection?
Here are the three steps to give praise to your friends so that you can build deeper friendships …
-
Ask permission
Start by simply asking if you can share something with them.
"I've been thinking about last week. Can I share something you did that I really appreciated?"
-
Give a conditional praise
Next, tell them something they did that you appreciated. A conditional praise is based on something they did. It builds up what they are good at, their talents, their strengths.
"I really appreciated when you (say what they did). It really helped me by (tell them how they helped you)."
-
Go deeper and give an unconditional praise
Now that you have their attention and have moved a little past their protective wall, go deeper with an unconditional praise.
Unconditional praise is telling that you appreciate them for just being, irrelevant of anything they did or said.
"In fact, I really admire you as a person. You are truly wonderful to be around."
What can you expect by becoming a friend known for encouragement and support?
Deepening relationships is the most valuable skill you can develop. It will build lasting friendships, boost both their and you confidence because you will develop self-esteem that isn't based on things you do, but is based on just living.
You will build a true feeling of value for you lives, trust to share caring and hardships, and feel you can talk openly and freely when you need to.
As you develop you Gift of Encouragement, expect to become more valuable in the lives of your friends.
And be prepared to lose friends who just aren't able to overcome their fears. They aren't ready for what you have to offer.
Remember that it's OK, because there are plenty of other people out there who will truly value your friendship, you gifts, and you simply as a person.
Click here to subscribe to the weekly Gift Of Encouragement Newsletter featuring tips and techniques on how to develop and practice your Gift of Encouragement.
